Since I’ve been 21…

Hello.

Since I’ve been 21, I have done a lot. I wasn’t going to write about what I’ve learned, but who wants to hear a list of the good stuff… no one. Not when so many things happened to me that I learned from. Upon my youtube ventures of procrastination, I discovered this video that I highly recommend watching if you enjoy my blog post.

 

I contracted bronchitis. My work ethic contributed to my schedule being completely full; Class from 9am to 2pm, then off to work till 7pm, and from there, to cat sit for a couple hours before being home before 10pm. Kinda makes you wonder why I didn’t fail all my classes and contract all the illnesses associated with trekking through the cold in the coldest of Chicago’s winter. I mean I did get bronchitis… and my grades were indeed low before the midterms… more of that later. Thanks Molly for tending to your sick friend.


I caught up with friends and partied with the rest. I really do appreciate the people who are currently in my life. They teach me a lot about human behavior and the emotions thereof… also… they’re fun to be around. I appreciate you. Though I don’t rely on you all for much, you’re always there and for that, I am grateful.

 

I lost weight… I regulated my diet… I helped my skin clear… All of this because I DON’T HAVE INSURANCE. If I didn’t fix my health problems, who would? Don’t worry… I’m getting insurance, but its taking forever. I’m good, I’m just slowly going insane and deteriorating, but its all for the best. Keeps me humble.

I got to know my roommate… IMG_2128

She screamed at me after I asked her to not touch my stuff. Its all good. I’m not obligated to take that sh*t. I’m excited to move out for sure. For more information contact me directly.

I passed all my midterms… barely.  And this was my reward. I take pride in my ability to support the ramen chain, Strings. Remind me again how I lost weight…

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I dated… slash am still dating. I’m discovering the type of lover I am and am looking for. Its stuff they teach in schools if your parents are hovering nearby at all times, which is why I’m in college learning this stuff. I’m not pissed about it though. High school me couldn’t handle all this stuff. People are crazy and men are… sometimes boys.

 

I got a new apartment. **pics to come** I move on the first of April, and I’m so HAPPY. That doesn’t matter to some people though. Because I decided that acquiring shelter was compartmentally VERY important to me, and asked for a half day off from work to sign the lease, I got fired.

I got fired. Its really disappointing that the joy of successfully adulting was overshadowed by getting fired. Its all good though… Lincoln Park is a solid district with lots of potential for employment. Also, my St. Patty’s Day was still nice.

 

My parents still love me… and each other. Amid all the job searching and apartment prep, my parents came for my spring break. They both furnished my apartment, and let me drag them all over the city to show them why I love this place so much. They enjoyed themselves…. and it was really nice to spend some quality time with my favorite humans.

 

I’m still eating everything I can. I’m good. Some people can’t understand how, at the end of the day with no job, no boyfriend, no insurance, and a crazy roommate I can still smile… but its because I’ve got a new apartment, my grades are in tact, and my plate is always full.

If you pull any piece of advice from witnessing pieces of my crazy life, take this… Nothing is the end of you… no trauma is the end of you. Keep going. Keep driving yourself towards your goals or you’ll never realize anything… you’ll just wallow in the misery of the moment.

Any additional advice can be found here…

 

Much love to you and your life-living.

~may your breath always be the way you wish~

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The Importance of Family

Lets set the record straight. All families give each other reasons to not get along, to get pissed, to feel like life is unfair, etc. At the end of the day, if they’re doing it right, and you are as well, then they are the last to leave you.

The lack of their presence doesn’t exactly keep them from you. Their heart, and yours as well, will grow closer with distance. Trust me.

Here I speak to the fellow beings in my age range/ walk of life… Parents are going to get on your nerves in this time of transition. Its ‘bird leaving the nest syndrome’, but in this time, they will learn that support is all you need to spread your wings. All they need to do is love you and smile when you look to them for assurance.

They love you.

Whoever raises you loves and cherishes you. Most of the time this is true. SO please stop saying they’re the worst. I am so tried of myself and the people of my age trying to hate on their parents. It isn’t fully their mistake. They give too much and you want too much from them. This is the time where you establish your own means of life, and they learn what that entails.

Yes it sucks to be told what to do, but here’s some perspective from the mouth of my father, “This is the first time I am raising a twenty year old…” Just as it is your first time living your life, it is their first time watching you struggle to do so. All a parent should want to do in this stage is help you through it, but ultimatly it is up to you to spread your wings and fall on your face. They will be there if you need them… if you don’t scream at them and/or grow bitter towards their existence.

I love my family, but it took me a little while to realize just how much I do. I used to have people question why I share everything with them, and question why I am so close with my family. Answer is, I’ve been through a lot with them, and anytime I go through something it isn’t the questioning friends that help me through it, its them.

In all honesty, if you’re having a hard time with your family and such, just try talking to them about it. You can’t fix something involving two people with just one person. Communication is an important milestone in the process of growth.

My brother, father, and mother are all my best friends, and for that, I am truly fortunate.

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Much love to you and your family.

~may your breath always be the way you wish~

Remember Where You Want To Be

 

There are many moments in a day when we can let our dreams slip away.

There are many places in a place to forget about or stay.

There are many beings that are and will always be in the way.

There are many times in which time is overlooked and what matters is what we make.

~by someone whose been through only a piece of life

 

In all honesty, I am the most impatient person in the entirety of my brief existence. I cannot stand the fact that I am not where I am looking… so the question is… should I still look there or should I look around at the place that just cannot satisfy me? I have found the answer to be correct if it a balance of the two options.

I have to look forward to something. I have to dream and strive forward, or I feel as though my existence isn’t worth anything.

I have to also look around me. Where I am now will prepare and shape me for the dreams I seek. If I am not fulfilled in the now, then I feel like my measly existence is just a hinderance.

So in essence… I am really hard on myself. I will cherish an ocean view and the family I have to view it with until it is time for me to move on to the place where I will make my dreams reality. I’ve only got two months left… 

 

Cherish the beauty in moments.

Cherish life itself.

Strive for a means of fulfillment in everything you do.

I have hope for you.

 

Much love to you and your quest of life.

 

~may your breath always be the way you wish~

 

What Being Alone has Taught Me.

When I say ‘alone’ I mean that sinking feeling that shoots an aura of negativity out at everyone who surrounds you because you feel like every exchange is empty and no one loves you… that ‘alone’… Its bit intense, but its what keeps people up at night I swear.

Being alone can be difficult to enjoy… at first. Its nessicary that we as human beings can be independent or we will always draw our mental and emotional soundness from someone else’s mental state. Once we figure out a way to enjoy ourselves, we can in turn, enjoy being alone.

A few tips for this is… find a place you can go to that makes you feel warm, secure, and protected. It could be under a blanket, wrapped in a blanket, or bundled up… in a blanket. Blankets are great. But if your summer climate isn’t ideal for blankets here’s the trick… Go to a public place where no one really pays attention to you and you can just be and do things and enjoy yourself without being 100% isolated (example being a coffee shop or the beach or something of that nature;)

It hurts sometimes. Often when we’re alone we tend to wonder why… It can be painful to relive all the times we shut people out, but try to remember why and if that makes you feel worse than have some chocolate and cry it out then realize that you are a better person because of all you’ve gone through and life is great (the chocolate kicked in).

When I was recently with my cousin she said something funny… “I’m just waiting for the first round of divorces to go through”. It may seem like a harsh reality, but truth is, living now instead of concerning oneself with the burden of loneliness is so much better than wallowing in loneliness and feeling like no one is there for you… Here’s a secret… Everyone feels alone.

Here’s another secret… One is not ever truly alone. And I don’t mean some diety that lingers just out of sight. I mean the people that care about you that you haven’t acknowledged. I mean the people who are close to you whom you get pissed at instead of working out your issues. (example being your parents) If you feel lonely, ask yourself who your friends are… if you can’t think of anyone… adopt a dog. (or cat or hamster because one must never discriminate against the different breeds and types of fluffy creatures…) (unless of course you have a preference… or an allergy.)

Honestly I learned a lot from owning my loneliness. I learned who the people are that truly care about me. I reached out to the distant relatives that, in reality, weren’t so distant. I hugged my dog more. I made myself do things alone and reveled in my solidly single successes. FYI I’m not really alone. I’ve got a lot of people that love me… but I’m alone a lot. Funny how that works.

Much love to you and you.

~may your breath always be the way you wish~

 

 

 

Growing Up Pt.2 ~Saying Goodbye~

Saying goodbye isn’t as common an occurrence as it is to loose people. Honestly, there is a solidarity in a goodbye. Dissolving away from someone without a defined resolution is a confusing, lengthy, and avoidable process.

When one is growing up, we discover the art of saying goodbye and the exact weight of it.

Something literally has to be reasoned through in order to come to a solid conclusion that is a goodbye. Think back to the people who are no longer in your life… Did they say goodbye? Did they need to? Did it lessen the blow if they did?

The thing about goodbye is that it doesn’t lessen the loss, but rather, it acknowledges that it is a loss, and solidifies the need for a disconnection.

All the people I simply cut form my life without word probably don’t have very positive feelings about me, or they’re left peeking in my general direction wondering if I still know they exist. Bottom line is, I do, but the Leanne from even a few months ago wasn’t considerate enough to say goodbye. I’m still growing up.

Being able to say goodbye marks a true developmental milestone in one’s life… in my opinion.

Knowing when to say goodbye is also a pretty big determining factor of one’s growth. Toxic relationships are obvious in hindsight, but learning to be the better version of oneself by severing ties with the wrong people will ultimately make you a better you.

So, to all the people who stopped talking to me… and all the people I stopped talking to… Goodbye. You were once important to me. Thank you for existing.

**Disclaimer**  There are many people one simply falls out of life with, and thats normal in the changing times of developing adultness. (This is also a part of the ‘growing up’)

**Ultimate disclaimer** If you can’t say goodbye to someone, but you haven’t talked to them in a while, then shoot them a message and see if they want to hang out or something. Even if you haven’t spoken for a while, conversations are always pleasant, if you want them to be.

Much love to you and yours.

~may your breath always be the way you wish~

 

Growing Up Pt.1 ~Travel w/o Adult Supervision~

Growing up is something we all do. Its what teenagers think they already did, what parents of teenagers say they aren’t done doing, what young adults struggle through, and what aged people cherish as memories.

In all honesty, ‘growing up’ is a part of that strange facet in the english language in which its not exactly describing exactly what it means, but everyone knows what it means exactly… or do we. Growing… up? Such a strange phrase, but really what does it entail?

I have come to realize that the essence of growing up is learning how to do life, how to be  ‘successful’, and defining what it means to live life and be successful. Once you learn to do that then I think you can say ‘I’m grown up’ without your parents or your doctors disagreeing with you. If you can’t do those things then buy a briefcase… most people judge solely based on appearance anyways.

SO! Growing up! How does one do that? Good question! I’m not fully sure myself, but through this series I shall be looking for steps and answers and tips and such that will hopefully assist you in the ‘growing up’.

The first moment I truly felt grown was when I traveled on the weight of my own responsibility. Getting away from the concerned clutches of one’s parents will mark the first moments of growth on the path towards adulthood.

Its going to be difficult. Its going to challenge you. Its going to grow you.

Here’s a tip; Don’t see it negatively, taking in everything with fresh eyes. Don’t cower in the face of the unknown. Life is only as difficult as its allowed to be.

Traveling is the perfect scenario to bring to light a world you may have been oblivious to, which can reveal things about life you may have been missing. Problem solving is honed and sharpened when traveling, because let me tell you… anything can happen. That may sound scary, but tie your shoes and get to it because life and success are the perfect things to talk about instead of nonexistent relationships to the relatives you only see for the holidays.

Much love to you and yours.

~may your breath always be the way you wish~

Fair Weather Fashion ~Spring Time~

“Ahhhh what a lovely day for the outdoors”

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“Oh hello camera… how nicely you capture the full essence of my arm”

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“Look at my other one…”

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“Oh yeah and I’m diggin this fit”

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Spring is kind of an ugly season when you don’t live near cherry blossoms. The rain returns and with it the heat and so on until summer. BUT! Its the perfect time to introduce bright colors back into your wardrobe.

 

Accent pieces are subtle ways in which you can add a little extra dimension to a wardrobe, and with the changing of seasons, the subtle exposure of lovely, lacy undergarments is an easy way to jazz up a look. Also, dainty chains and such have been making a comeback… if your trendy… you’re welcome… otherwise, just a heads up on what will be hitting the thrift stores this time next year.

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These two sets of outfits are perfect for saying, “Its spring!” or “I’m fifty years old today!” Whatever you aspire to say about yourself through your clothing, you can! Honesty with one’s clothing is a big step in the direction of self love.

Lastly, check out these shoes I got from ASOS that its already too hot to wear.

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Much love to you and your wardrobe.

~may your breath always be the way you wish~